Change your attitude, and good things will happen!

Hey everyone! Hope you’re all well! My last blog post caused a few ripples in my life wave…to say the least! But if I didn’t put that stuff out there, I would be constantly carrying it around, and now that I said what I had to, I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I can’t explain it- I just feel free! I’ve also learned a lot about myself in the past two weeks, which has been awesome.

I’ve learned that crying does not solve anything- it just causes you to feel worse; John Mayer writes some pretty depressing songs- Ke$ha does not; Some people that you thought were the real deal, are actually fake; You can become friends with people, no matter, age, race, gender, etc- as long as you share a common interest;  and I am so much stronger than I think.

That’s a lot of stuff to process. There are still going to be days where I cry and all I want to listen to is a stupid John Mayer song- and guess what? That’s okay. It’s okay to feel feelings and express them- just not all the time- I have to get that part together. I don’t think I’ve smiled as much as I have in the past week- for no reason at all- just because. It’s seriously the most amazing feeling. When I look back on all that I’ve accomplished and my life- things aren’t bad- AT ALL. Why am I just realizing this now? I don’t know- maybe I’ve grown a little in the past 2 weeks.

The amount of “fake” people in my life- in all aspects of my life (work, gym, home, etc.) are far less than the amount of real people I can count on. That’s pretty amazing. I know that if I’m going through something, I can talk it out with Elena or Mike; If I have a million questions concerning a certain wod, or about my progress in the gym, I can holla at Kaylee or Mike L (P.S- we have too many Mike’s at our box)!. If I come across something hilarious in my dating (non-existent) life- I can text Colleen M. and we’ll laugh about it. If I’m sad, happy, confused, or eating something delicious, I can share that with my best friend Laura and she’ll get it. If I want to hear the truth from a teenager’s (basically an adult) point of view, I’ll ask Rachel. Without crossfit and all of the bonds I’ve created with these people, I wouldn’t know what to do. I would still be that lost soul with no life direction, filled with complete sadness. I am forever grateful for the real people- my friends who only want the best for me; who wholeheartedly care for me and my well-being; who are willing to share good times and bad with me. It’s amazing.

I went to a church service today with Nicci and Michelle. It was my first Christian church service (I’ve been trying to find new ways to be at peace), and my Nonni would be so mad if she knew that I wasn’t going to a Catholic mass, but I’m trying new things and it really resonated with me. At the end of the service, the pastor invited people up to receive a blessing if you were feeling lost or carrying guilt- whatever your problem may be, he wanted us to just let it go and leave it up to God. I constantly carry guilt, and when I received that blessing, I almost felt like a weight was take off of my shoulders. I came to the realization that there are a lot of things that are well beyond my control. I can’t control how others are going to feel, I can only control how I respond to their feelings, and even then, it’s still not in my hands. I don’t want to get all religious on you- I’m not one of those people, but I do believe that there’s a higher power out there that has a plan for us- and now it’s time to see where this plan will take me. I’m not the best person out there- but I have a good heart- I know it. and I know good things will come when the time is right. Good things are already here! I have a crossfit family that I wouldn’t trade for anything, and a new zest for life that I never had before!

So this week has also been a pretty decent week for me (crossfit wise). The Battle of the Sexes at RCFBC has started and Colleen M and I are partners. I couldn’t think of a better person to have as my second half in this competition- she does need a little re-directing at times, but Colleen is my main chick. She’s strong as can be, yet incredibly humble. She never writes her name on the board, her makeup and hair are always perfect pre and post wod, and she’s an all around pretty decent human. The first two wods of the 5 week long competition were 7 min. for each partner to establish a 2RM Touch and Go C&J AND to accumulate as many burpees as possible. So while one person was trying to establish their 2 rep max clean and jerk, the other person was doing as many burpees as possible- Then you switched whenever in the 7 minutes. There was a lot of math involved, and we had to weight in- my biggest nightmare (I HATE THE SCALE!) but we put up some decent weight, for a couple of girls. I got up to 95lbs for 2 reps, and I hit 100lbs for 1 rep, but couldn’t get the second one. Colleen got 100lbs for 2 reps, and 105lbs for 1 rep (I think- might have been more, I can’t really remember!) and as a team, we accumulated 66 burpees. Not the best, but certainly not the worst! I think we did pretty well, at least I think it did- seeing that my last one rep max clean and jerk was at 90lbs! I can’t wait to see what next week brings- I’m actually getting pretty nervous- it’s the open all over again!! 

I just want to give a little shout out to the Saran’s who are leaving for California tomorrow. Dale- when I first met you in onramp, I thought to myself- who is this guy trying to give me tips? Isn’t he in onramp like me? Then I found out he was the head lawyer for all of CrossFit. Like the whole CROSSFIT name. You are amazing, and have done great things, and have raised a couple of beautiful, strong daughters that I’ve had the honor of having in my life. Thanks for that. 

Molly- You are truly an amazing woman. It takes a lot of guts to coach a class of adults while being a teenager (now adult!). You have such a kind heart, and you are truly a beautiful person- inside and out. You are going to do great things, and I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors! ❤

Rachel- I cannot even begin to explain the impact you’ve had on my life. You’ve taught me that it’s okay to be weird and not care about what other people think; it’s fine to send a text message that is approximately 2 full length pages long; But most of all, you’ve taught me to be comfortable in my own skin. I know that my life is significantly better by having you in it. You are truly a woman among girls- I wish I had the confidence and awesomeness that you radiate when I was your age. You are so strong- mentally and physically, and I’m going to miss seeing you at the box most afternoons, but I know you’re on to a new chapter in your life, and just like everything else, you’re going to rock it. I know I’ll be seeing your name soon in Carson! Don’t ever change- and don’t ever stop sending me hilarious snapchats and mile long text messages. I love you and already miss you like whoa. XOXO ❤

So now, I’m going to bed with a happy heart and feeling complete content. I may never have my ducks in a row, but who cares?  Things could be so much worse, and I’m completely grateful for all the good I have in my life right now.

-AA ❤

When your life plan veers off track…

Hi everyone! Hope you are all well! I’m doing okay…I think. haha. 

So things in my life have not been going according to plan. At least the plan that I had mapped out in my head. Anyone who knows me, is very aware that I hate being off route- I don’t like not having a plan, and flying by the seat of my pants. So when something happens that I don’t expect, it rattles me. A lot. I know I sound like a broken record, most of the time, and this post will probably be something that you’ve read before, but it’s just stuff I need to get off of my chest- and then maybe I’ll feel a little better!
At this point in my life, I imagined myself in my own home, with a husband (or serious significant other)- maybe with a kid. Instead, I’m living at home, with no significant others in sight- like no men in sight, and a ton of debt. Basically, the complete opposite of where I thought I would be. The last few weeks have been especially trying for me (it’s wedding season), and I just have this overall feeling of failure. I’ve been trying to focus on the positive things that I’ve accomplished in life, but somehow, it’s not enough. I just always feel like I’m in life limbo- nothing is that good, but nothing is that bad either. It’s weird, and I don’t like being at this point. I can put on a face wherever I am, but no one knows what happens when I drive home from work (hint: it’s crying to John Mayer alone- ha) or when I get home (hint: it’s still crying to John Mayer in bed- alone). I try to keep my positive outlook on things, but some days, I just don’t have it. And when people call me out on it, I don’t know what to do. I shouldn’t be sad about things- I have a job, a good family, my health, and friends; but it’s those other things I mentioned before that make me feel like I’m missing out. 
As long as I can remember, I’ve never quite fit in anywhere. In my family, I was always the one who sort of did her own thing- the lost cause- the one with all the problems. In school, I never had a definitive set of friends, and I never fit in with one particular clique- I sort of had friends every where- which is good in some ways, but now I just feel like I didn’t try hard enough- I wasn’t a nerd, but I also wasn’t stupid- I was just average. In college, I kept to myself- I didn’t have that college experience that most people had- I did my work, went to my internships, and that’s it. I never even went to one party in college! I didn’t start really coming out my shell until I joined CrossFit. And even now, through all of my struggle, and new found confidence, I still feel like I don’t belong. I over-compensate and try to make everyone happy, and in turn, I make myself feel worse. It’s a bad cycle. 
I’m there- I give my all during WODs, but most of the time I feel like I’m still so far behind where I should be at this point in my CF career. Everyone else is making great gains, and I’m here just still being average- or slightly below average. It’s frustrating. So then in turn, I self medicate with food, and it becomes a vicious cycle. I work so incredibly hard at the workouts, and then go home and eat shitty because I feel bad about myself. I will add in, I’m eating way better than I was pre-CF, but still, why am I doing this to myself? Thankfully, my amazing coach (and awesome girl-crush) Kaylee has been helping me get back on track. Food is my drug; It’s something that could kill me and also something I can’t live without. I guess I’m having a hard time finding that healthy balance. But I am working on it- it’s just going to take some time. 
As most of you know, I’ve been trying online dating for a while now. The reason I decided to share all of these private things with you, is because I had a moment while online that made me lose all faith in humanity. Now, I’ll warn you, this is pretty graphic- so if you don’t want to read it- stop here. haha. 
I had been talking to this guy for a while- just online- I gave him my number, but he never took the initiative to be a real man and call me. I didn’t think anything of it, I just figured it was a dumb guy being dumb. So we continued chatting online..for a long time. All of a sudden, out of no where, he asks me what my fetish was. Usually, I just block people when it gets to this point, but I decided to play along for a bit. You guys no me- my only fetish is a uniformed man- doesn’t matter what kind of uniform- hah. So then I asked him what his was, and here’s where it gets awful- He said he wanted me to pleasure him by wearing a big, black, strap on. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I just lost it. I blocked him, and deleted my account. And he wasn’t joking- just in case that’s what you’re thinking. All I could think of after that was- is that the kind of vibe I’m giving off? Someone who will do anything, just because I’m a larger lady and presumably easy? Well you know what, that’s completely wrong. I deserve the good things just like every other woman. I’m sick of scumbags, and losers, but I can’t get rid of them completely. Some of the most important people in my life would be labeled as a scumbag, in today’s society. Why can’t I get rid of them (him)? Because they (he) is one of my friends, and I care about them (him) immensely. And perhaps the most important reason is that I’m developing feelings for this “scumbag.” And I can’t because I just can’t. I’m not his type, he’s not my type, but there’s something that attracts me to this mess of a person. I feel confident that he’ll never see this, because naturally, I care more than he ever will- so he probably will never read this.
I know that it’s taking a risk, putting all of this stuff out there- I could lose one of the people in my life that I truly care about, even though it could be good for me. I’m just feeling lost. and I don’t know how to get myself back to a place where I’m that strong willed woman that I was a few months ago. I’ve been seeing a new therapist, and have been working through some of this stuff, so this was my way of bringing it into the light and stop tip-toeing around everything. 
I promise, next blog post will be 100% more positive- I’m done living with this pity party attitude. Time to woman up and get it together. I’m a good person, and I deserve the best and it’s time for me to start believing that. 
Thanks for letting me vent and get this off of my chest- sorry if I offended anyone with my gross online dating story, but it happened, and it definitely scarred me. 
I can’t thank you guys enough for your positive reinforcement and help over the past year and a half. I’m starting to make it out my shell, and I could not do it without the help of people like you all. Thank you will never be enough! ❤
❤ AA

Murph, Memorial Day, Regionals, and a bunch of other stuff!

Hi! Hope you are all well!
Things have been nuts the past few weeks. Sometimes I feel like my head is spinning- between work, crossfit, and my other extra curricular activities, I feel like I’m missing something or forgetting to do something! I guess that means I need to take a step back, and start writing things down!

Anyhow, a couple of weeks ago we had The “Murph” Challenge at our gym. Murph is a hero- here’s the description from Crossfit.com:
For time:
1 mile Run
100 Pull-ups
200 Push-ups
300 Squats
1 mile Run

In memory of Navy Lieutenant Michael Murphy, 29, of Patchogue, N.Y., who was killed in Afghanistan June 28th, 2005.
This workout was one of Mike’s favorites and he’d named it “Body Armor”. From here on it will be referred to as “Murph” in honor of the focused warrior and great American who wanted nothing more in life than to serve this great country and the beautiful people who make it what it is.

Partition the pull-ups, push-ups, and squats as needed. Start and finish with a mile run. If you’ve got a twenty pound vest or body armor, wear it.” 

After the final mile of “Murph” L-R  “THE MONARCHY (Mike, and Elena), Alisa, Me, Rose, and Lisa! 

So yeah, it’s a pretty tough wod. I did it last year, but my wrist was broken, so everything was scaled- this year, I had to bring it! But everything was scaled again. Sometimes I feel like I’m not doing as much work as everyone else when I scale things, but that’s a personal issue that I have to learn to deal with. But, that’s neither here nor there. ANYWAY, it was awesome. We had a great turn out and helped raise over $8,000 for The New England Center for Homeless Veterans! That’s pretty awesome! They timed it a little differently this year. We had 10 minutes to complete the first mile- LOL never going to happen- I got 5 or 6 laps in out of 8. And then 40 minutes to finish everything else. (I knew I would never finish, but I still gave it my all). Not too bad, I just wish I could run like a runner, but I’m not one, so I guess that’s why- haha. For pull ups, the scaling option was jumping pull ups, push-ups from the knees, and there is no scaling option for the good ole’ squat! The second mile run, we had to go from the gym and run a mile (on a main road, with cars containing people) to the Hingham Shipyard. Wahlburger’s was a sponsor, so we got a burger and more importantly, a nice cold glass of water at the end. Running is one of my many goats. My lungs don’t like running, my body doesn’t like it, I just don’t like it. But I have to embrace it, because if something bad happens, I’m most likely going to have to run. With that being said, Alisa and I were starting our final run at the same time. At that stage of the game, I was spent, there was no way I was going to “run” aka slow jog anywhere after those squats. Alisa walk-ran the whole final mile with me. Even though she would finish way before me, if she just took off! I was glad to have her, but felt like I was holding her back. At that stage, I couldn’t even deal with anything, so I just did what I could. We came around the bend at the shipyard, and I could see bright orange shirts, and it was like a mirage! A Sharon Froio mirage- I knew I was almost there- so I stepped it up, and ran the rest of the way in! It was so awesome to finish and have someone to finish with. So thanks, Alisa- I probably would still be by the side of the road somewhere in Hingham, if it weren’t for your support!

That was the week before Memorial Day. On Memorial Day, we did probably the hardest WOD I’ve ever done, another hero WOD- “Adam Brown.” Again from Crossfit.com:
Two rounds for time of:
295 pound Deadlift, 24 reps
24 Box jumps, 24 inch box
24 Wallball shots, 20 pound ball
195 pound Bench press, 24 reps
24 Box jumps, 24 inch box
24 Wallball shots, 20 pound ball
145 pound Clean, 24 reps

Navy Chief Special Warfare Operator (SEAL) Adam Lee Brown, 36, of Hot Springs, Arkansas, was killed on March 17th, 2010 in Komar Province, Afghanistan, in a battle against heavily armed militants. He is survived by his wife, Kelley, two children, Nathan and Savannah, and by his parents.

Once again, this had to be scaled- hello I can’t DL/press/clean that much weight, so I did the DL @ 115lbs, Bench Press and Clean @ 65lbs. And the box jumps were scaled to a medium box + 45lb plate step-ups. We had to share a bench press bar with a partner, so I was working with Janine. Janine is so awesome. Her and her husband, Scott are two of the nicest people ever! So glad that they are at our box! Anyhow, this WOD absolutely killed me. Every time I turned around I was doing wall balls- another nemesis of mine! I started a minute ahead of Janine, so there wouldn’t be a traffic jam at the bench press, but of course, wall balls take me FOREVER to do, so she lapped me! I was starting to feel defeated, but then I remembered, that it didn’t matter, and I was going to finish no matter what. Once it was over, I was smoked. Mike told me it was the best he’d ever seen me move in a WOD (that was pretty cool- sort of like being student of the day…LOL). I was hurting for a few days after that!

A couple of days later or the following week- I don’t know- the days sort of blend now- we had a wod that was just 7 minutes of burpees. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? We did a little strength work before, and I PR’d my strict press and split jerk, but I was not looking forward to 7 minutes of all burpees. Probably my worst nightmare. But, the wods that you don’t want to go to, are the ones that you should probably be at! So there I went- burpees for a whole 7 minutes. The average number of reps in the class was between 70-100. I only got 30, and I was dead. I felt sort of like a failure. In a whole 7 minutes, all I could manage was 30 burpees, and other people were getting 70 and feeling bad about that score. But as he was walking out, Jay (the Marine- the older guy that comes to the 5:30p class all the time) told me that I was his hero. A Marine told me, that I was his hero. How cool is that? I’ve never thought of myself as someone that other’s would look up to- I just do what I can, and that’s that. But I’m starting to feel okay about myself and how I do in WODs. I know I’m not at the level I want to be at yet, but I will get there one day!

With all that being said, I signed up for my first individual competition today- Obviously in the scaled division, but it will make me push myself to work harder and really work on some of my goats (AKA box step ups). I’m pretty excited/scared and proud all at the same time! That’s coming up in August, and it’s going to be awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Regionals were this weekend! Hello, shirtless, sweaty, muscly men working out all day? SIGN ME UP! Seriously, these were the best athletes in the northeast region, and it was a pleasure to watch them throw down- both male and female! The atmosphere was so awesome- just so many muscles- everywhere- in the stands, at the booths, at the food trucks, it was crazy! Kaylee’s husband, JD, who works for Reebok and is also a coach for us and Reebok ONE, was a part of the RCF1 Team. That is pretty cool- when you know someone in real life who is competing. The ONE team did an excellent job, but sadly, they will not be going to the games this year. The weekend was still so awesome- hanging out with all crossfit people that get it and are pretty cool. Of course, I did take a photo with the cardboard cutout of Matt Fraser (the guy who one the regional) and asked the Progenex guy if I could have his poster of Dan Bailey (a super muscly, handsome crossfitter). Everyone laughs, but I would find a place for that!! haha

Me and my buddy, Alex! 🙂
Some of our awesome members! 
me & cardboard Matt Fraser! ❤

Today (and yesterday) as usual, I’ve been getting some negative feedback from my parents, specifically my mother, because of how I choose to do crossfit activities over staying home. It doesn’t make sense. If I stayed home, she would ask me why I wasn’t going out- if I go out, I get yelled at for not being home. I just can’t keep it straight. I’ve touched on this before (See last week’s post) about how it sucks when friends and family members do not support your decision to make your life better via Crossfit. Yes, it is something that I enjoy, and talk about a lot, but is it my entire life? No. I have a lot of other things going on too, but for some reason, the thought of me being a part of the crossfit community doesn’t sit well with my family. You would think I joined the KKK or something like that. Yes, I enjoy watching youtube videos of Rich Froning and other athletes banging around weights. Yes, I like going to the box to workout and blow off some steam. Yes, I’m grateful for every one of the friendships I’ve made at the box. Yes, I’m happy that I am finally starting to feel comfortable in my own skin. Why do any of these things seem negative to my family? I can’t wrap my head around it. I’m glad that I have other people at the box to discuss these things with- it just seems like I’m always trying to look for acceptance from my family, but I’m having a hard time dealing with the fact that they are not going to support me in this endeavor of mine. My favorite part of “The Monarchy” (Sorry MM!!) Elena, just said to me “Your parents don’t have the solution, you do.” Like, she JUST wrote that to me. how fitting. So from now on, I will be the strong lady I know I can, and ignore the negativity. If people don’t want to accept me the way I am, then they can watch me leave.

My love, Rich doing work. ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ 

Once again, I feel like I’m forgetting something, but I think that’s good enough for now. So grateful for my crossfit family and my ability to fight for my happiness. Enjoy your night! Thanks for reading! You guys and gals are the best! 🙂
<3- AA