Hey everyone! Hope you’re all well! My last blog post caused a few ripples in my life wave…to say the least! But if I didn’t put that stuff out there, I would be constantly carrying it around, and now that I said what I had to, I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I can’t explain it- I just feel free! I’ve also learned a lot about myself in the past two weeks, which has been awesome.
I’ve learned that crying does not solve anything- it just causes you to feel worse; John Mayer writes some pretty depressing songs- Ke$ha does not; Some people that you thought were the real deal, are actually fake; You can become friends with people, no matter, age, race, gender, etc- as long as you share a common interest; and I am so much stronger than I think.
That’s a lot of stuff to process. There are still going to be days where I cry and all I want to listen to is a stupid John Mayer song- and guess what? That’s okay. It’s okay to feel feelings and express them- just not all the time- I have to get that part together. I don’t think I’ve smiled as much as I have in the past week- for no reason at all- just because. It’s seriously the most amazing feeling. When I look back on all that I’ve accomplished and my life- things aren’t bad- AT ALL. Why am I just realizing this now? I don’t know- maybe I’ve grown a little in the past 2 weeks.
The amount of “fake” people in my life- in all aspects of my life (work, gym, home, etc.) are far less than the amount of real people I can count on. That’s pretty amazing. I know that if I’m going through something, I can talk it out with Elena or Mike; If I have a million questions concerning a certain wod, or about my progress in the gym, I can holla at Kaylee or Mike L (P.S- we have too many Mike’s at our box)!. If I come across something hilarious in my dating (non-existent) life- I can text Colleen M. and we’ll laugh about it. If I’m sad, happy, confused, or eating something delicious, I can share that with my best friend Laura and she’ll get it. If I want to hear the truth from a teenager’s (basically an adult) point of view, I’ll ask Rachel. Without crossfit and all of the bonds I’ve created with these people, I wouldn’t know what to do. I would still be that lost soul with no life direction, filled with complete sadness. I am forever grateful for the real people- my friends who only want the best for me; who wholeheartedly care for me and my well-being; who are willing to share good times and bad with me. It’s amazing.
I went to a church service today with Nicci and Michelle. It was my first Christian church service (I’ve been trying to find new ways to be at peace), and my Nonni would be so mad if she knew that I wasn’t going to a Catholic mass, but I’m trying new things and it really resonated with me. At the end of the service, the pastor invited people up to receive a blessing if you were feeling lost or carrying guilt- whatever your problem may be, he wanted us to just let it go and leave it up to God. I constantly carry guilt, and when I received that blessing, I almost felt like a weight was take off of my shoulders. I came to the realization that there are a lot of things that are well beyond my control. I can’t control how others are going to feel, I can only control how I respond to their feelings, and even then, it’s still not in my hands. I don’t want to get all religious on you- I’m not one of those people, but I do believe that there’s a higher power out there that has a plan for us- and now it’s time to see where this plan will take me. I’m not the best person out there- but I have a good heart- I know it. and I know good things will come when the time is right. Good things are already here! I have a crossfit family that I wouldn’t trade for anything, and a new zest for life that I never had before!
So this week has also been a pretty decent week for me (crossfit wise). The Battle of the Sexes at RCFBC has started and Colleen M and I are partners. I couldn’t think of a better person to have as my second half in this competition- she does need a little re-directing at times, but Colleen is my main chick. She’s strong as can be, yet incredibly humble. She never writes her name on the board, her makeup and hair are always perfect pre and post wod, and she’s an all around pretty decent human. The first two wods of the 5 week long competition were 7 min. for each partner to establish a 2RM Touch and Go C&J AND to accumulate as many burpees as possible. So while one person was trying to establish their 2 rep max clean and jerk, the other person was doing as many burpees as possible- Then you switched whenever in the 7 minutes. There was a lot of math involved, and we had to weight in- my biggest nightmare (I HATE THE SCALE!) but we put up some decent weight, for a couple of girls. I got up to 95lbs for 2 reps, and I hit 100lbs for 1 rep, but couldn’t get the second one. Colleen got 100lbs for 2 reps, and 105lbs for 1 rep (I think- might have been more, I can’t really remember!) and as a team, we accumulated 66 burpees. Not the best, but certainly not the worst! I think we did pretty well, at least I think it did- seeing that my last one rep max clean and jerk was at 90lbs! I can’t wait to see what next week brings- I’m actually getting pretty nervous- it’s the open all over again!!
I just want to give a little shout out to the Saran’s who are leaving for California tomorrow. Dale- when I first met you in onramp, I thought to myself- who is this guy trying to give me tips? Isn’t he in onramp like me? Then I found out he was the head lawyer for all of CrossFit. Like the whole CROSSFIT name. You are amazing, and have done great things, and have raised a couple of beautiful, strong daughters that I’ve had the honor of having in my life. Thanks for that.
Molly- You are truly an amazing woman. It takes a lot of guts to coach a class of adults while being a teenager (now adult!). You have such a kind heart, and you are truly a beautiful person- inside and out. You are going to do great things, and I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors! ❤
Rachel- I cannot even begin to explain the impact you’ve had on my life. You’ve taught me that it’s okay to be weird and not care about what other people think; it’s fine to send a text message that is approximately 2 full length pages long; But most of all, you’ve taught me to be comfortable in my own skin. I know that my life is significantly better by having you in it. You are truly a woman among girls- I wish I had the confidence and awesomeness that you radiate when I was your age. You are so strong- mentally and physically, and I’m going to miss seeing you at the box most afternoons, but I know you’re on to a new chapter in your life, and just like everything else, you’re going to rock it. I know I’ll be seeing your name soon in Carson! Don’t ever change- and don’t ever stop sending me hilarious snapchats and mile long text messages. I love you and already miss you like whoa. XOXO ❤
So now, I’m going to bed with a happy heart and feeling complete content. I may never have my ducks in a row, but who cares? Things could be so much worse, and I’m completely grateful for all the good I have in my life right now.